| Pro-Life Family Planning guide |
- Pro-Life Family Planning Intro (this page)
- Pro-Life Options for Family Planning
Maybe you’re asking yourself, why are we talking about this? Does God really care about what we do for birth control? Does our faith really matter for deciding when we have kids and how many kids we’re going to have? So, let’s start with that: Does it matter and why?
Why It Matters
When conception occurs, a new person’s life begins. I’ve written elsewhere on conception’s significance scientifically and biblically. The scientific evidence is overwhelming that fertilization (conception) marks the point where an individual human [a person] is first alive (see When Does Life Begin Scientifically? and When Is a Person a Person Scientifically?). Perhaps more important for us though, the Scripture is even more clear. The Bible demonstrates that our life, our calling even, begins at conception (see When Does a Person’s Life Begin Biblically?).
In short, what matters is conception. Conception matters to God; after all the Father chose that Jesus would be conceived. More to the point of this guide though, what does this have to do with birth control? Some methods of family planning (birth control) operate after conception. In other words, the effectiveness of these methods depends on ending a life after conception. So, because conception matters, the decisions we make in family planning matter.
Before moving on, let’s double check this foundation. If you aren’t sure about this and find yourself wondering if an embryo is a baby from conception, that’s ok. It’s an understandable question, and it’s a question I want to help you resolve once and for all. But rather than recount all of the information here, I’d encourage you to look at our scientific overview and biblical overview of these discussions. From here on, this guide will instead focus on the application of this truth.
On another page, we’ll talk specifically about each of the methods of family planning and the relevant medical research. But I want to first establish the central guiding principle, the filter you can use in making these decisions. Let me also share our story so you can get to know my heart.
Our Story
When I was about to get married, a friend I respect brought up birth control and mentioned that he and his wife refused to use it. Without really meaning to, I just shut him down. Rather than let him explain, I just assumed he was going to tell me not to interfere with God’s plan for how many kids we would have. While I entirely respect that position and don’t want to talk anyone out of it, I don’t personally share it. I feel comfortable having a conversation with God about what He’s calling me to do and playing a part in following that calling. So, I told my friend that this was probably a matter for personal conviction. He didn’t mention it again.
A little while later, after Monica and I got married, we talked about family planning. What my friend said was still in the back of my mind. So, I decided to do a little research. I began reading some medical studies on the subject. What I found surprised me. I thought the pill simply prevented ovulation so conception couldn’t occur, but I learned that there was more to the story. I learned that when conception does occur, the pill is also designed to prevent the baby embryo from implanting (more on this on another page).
I can’t tell you how grateful I am that he said something. In fact, I wish he had gone further. I wish he had told me even though I wasn’t really open to it. Of course I wanted to protect my family; of course I didn’t want to put my future children at risk. We all feel that way. I wish someone had pushed past the awkwardness of the topic and just told me. That’s when God brought this verse to mind: “do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12).
So, I know this topic can feel a little invasive. What’s more, many of us have already used one of these methods in the past. Because of that, I know this conversation might even be offensive at first, but please know my heart isn’t to judge or condemn anyone. There is absolute, overwhelming grace for the past, even if we knew. In addition to this grace, Christ also gives us truth for the future, so that we don’t have to make our decisions in the dark. Please know that I was once in the same boat you might find yourself in now, not wanting to hear anymore. But after hearing it, I wish someone had just told me anyway.
The Guiding Principle
Because some of these decisions rely on an evaluation of the risks, let me describe the overarching theme, the big picture filter through which we should make every decision here. We know that we have a responsibility to care for and protect our children. Moreover, as I mentioned above, we know that our child’s life begins at conception. In fact, the Bible demonstrates our responsibility from conception onward.
At the end of the day, morality isn’t a matter of laws but a matter of the heart. But that doesn’t mean it’s subjective; it means that the answer is deeper than just what we do, but also why we do it. There is a fundamental, objective truth that must guide our decisions here: In our heart we must regard each child at conception just like we will when they are older, just like any of our other children. We may not be able to see them yet or hold them, but they still depend on us to keep them safe.
I obviously can’t make you do anything; I don’t want to. You certainly don’t answer to me. The truth is, I don’t even answer to me. But, we all answer to God. All I want to do is help.
Your Options in Family Planning
So, certain options in family planning rely on taking life after conception for their effectiveness. On our next page in this guide, we get specific and talk about which methods put our kids’ lives at risk. Which options are safe? Be sure to check it out as we get practical about what we can do to keep our kids safe even in those seasons where we are wanting to avoid having kids.
Are You Trying to Conceive?
In this guide, we’ve obviously focused on couples who are in a season where they are not trying to have kids. The reality is that family planning also includes seasons where we are trying to conceive. We have another guide for couples who are trying to conceive where we give you resources on what we can do to support conception and a healthy pregnancy. We also talk about the struggles many of us face on that journey and what our options are if we find ourselves struggling to conceive and how our faith fits into that process. If you are trying to conceive, check that guide out here: Trying to Conceive.