How to Be Happy

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| Finding Satisfaction series |

• How to Be Happy
• Satisfied in Success
• Satisfying Our Desire for Pleasure
• Can Soulmates Satisfy
• How to Find Satisfaction

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Happiness

Are you happy? A lot of things can make us happy for a little while, but, once the newness fades, the happiness seems to fade right along with it. How can we find it again? What does it mean to be happy? From Harvard studies to the Pharrell Williams song, from America’s Declaration of Independence to Bhutan’s measure of Gross National Happiness, it’s easy to say that “the pursuit of happiness” is central to us as people regardless of the culture, or sub-culture, in which we find ourselves. But, for all our searching, it remains just that: a pursuit, a search.

Now, we can’t, and I would argue don’t want to, be happy all the time. Our gloomier emotions have their own value as well (Ecclesiastes 3:4). In fact, our darkest moments can prove to be the most fertile ground for meaningful change in our lives (2 Corinthians 7:10). However, sadness doesn’t require a sense of emptiness. In my most profound moments of sorrow, there remain many examples where I felt full rather than empty. By contrast, in some of my happiest moments, I’ve still found myself asking the same question Jack Nicholson asked when he played Melvin Udall, “What if this is as good as it gets?”

Contentment

So, if we can feel content in sorrow and empty in happiness, perhaps “happy” only scratches the surface of what we’re really after. I’d suggest that underneath this surface we want to be satisfied; we want to feel fulfilled. Now, “being content” is a phrase that gets a bit of a mixed report. On the one hand, it carries a notion of settling rather than striving for more, but the Bible extols contentment as a virtue. In fact, 1 Timothy 6:6 says something rather profound about contentment: “godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment”. In other words, contentment enables us to experience the benefits of godliness.

The word for contentment used in this verse, autarkeia, is rooted in the notion of being satisfied, needing nothing more. In contrast to contentment, covetousness is most commonly translated from pleonexia which essentially means desiring to have more. So, while contentment says that we don’t need more to be satisfied, covetousness always requires more and, as a result, is never satisfied. The trouble with covetousness is that it doesn’t say it will always need more, just one more thing. Let me put it another way. When we covet, it actually seems like we’ve finally figured out why we aren’t happy. For example, we might think: “Once I get married, I’ll have that companion, and I won’t be lonely”. But, after getting married, happiness is still just as scarce. So, what we need changes: “If my spouse would just start (or stop) doing this then everything would be great.”

The strange thing then is that pursuing happiness can be precisely what keeps it just out of reach. When my happiness is conditional on something in my circumstances, I’m coveting. We all struggle to feel satisfied at times, but how do we approach that struggle? If we think that our circumstances need to change, then it causes us to covet. If we know that we need to change, then it helps us grow to be content. In other words, when we aren’t satisfied, thinking the problem is external leads to covetousness, but knowing the problem is internal leads to contentment. Moreover, only contentment carries the promise of satisfaction.

Finding Satisfaction

So, where does satisfaction come from and what will really satisfy us? God is the only source of lasting satisfaction. Even the word for contentment, autarkeia, reveals God’s role in this virtue. This word can be understood as “self-sufficient” or “independent”.  We know that the proper name for God, Yahweh, carries this same notion of self-sufficiency: “I AM”. He is the only one who needs nothing to exist, whereas we are all reliant on Him for our existence (Acts 17:28). He is the only one who is truly self-sufficient, needing nothing. Therefore, He is the only one who is truly content. We can only be content by relying on Him to be the source of that contentment, the source of our satisfaction. To put this another way, He made us to be in a consistent relationship with Him. When that relationship is lacking it inevitably produces a sense of emptiness in us. An emptiness that reminds us we aren’t satisfied.

Now, idolatry isn’t a sin that’s very familiar to us. We don’t talk about it often and its most direct example (worshiping a wooden idol) seems rather inapplicable in Western culture. This might lead us to wonder whether idolatry is really a relevant sin for us today. However, at the most fundamental level, idolatry occurs whenever we allow something to take on one of God’s roles. Because God plays so many roles in our lives, there are almost endless opportunities for idolatry. As we’ve just discussed, one of His roles is that He is the source of our satisfaction. There are so many things that compete for that title, like success or pleasure or relationships. Whenever we look to anything else to provide our satisfaction, in a small way we allow idolatry.

I’d like to take the next few weeks to explore some of the most common things we look to for satisfaction. I want to talk honestly about how easy it is to slip into this trap and also explore how to truly be satisfied in these things. Remember to subscribe or follow us so you don’t miss the rest of this series!